miracle

Flowing out of the tight seams
a liquid of painted images
dreamlike figures melting into the sidewalk
draining into the cracks that could not be fixed
Perhaps they were overseen?

So minuscule that they were missed
lucky – the liquid runs heavily over the surface
gently caressing the crevices of concrete void
teasing the cold and hungry subsurface
with its softness and color

Cries of desperation, barely heard
come from beneath
feed us, bathe us, fill us with your juice
so we can taste the microscopic reflection of your essence

Back and forth as though already writhing
the idea itself drives us wild
could it be? it must be our imagination
red, blue, yellow, green — aaah —

Breathe, pulse, beat, sing
what is this but a single note
a tune, a vibration rushing through the rivers of liquid
and concrete noise
ommmmm

The pull is unbearable
a tease so subtle it is hard not to explode and die
so simple, so fast
but wait

Why abandon the dream of tasting the liquid that is presented in honor of darkness?
a lifetime is but a spark worth every desire to catch the drop of color
drip drip drip
miracles do happen

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up and down, round and round

I don’t know about you, but for me (here comes cliché # 1), my life is a series of ups and downs, round and rounds, leaving and returning… cycles, circles, mountains and rides.

In looking for more metaphors (in case you didn’t get the point), I googled “life is”, pressed “I feel lucky” and was brought to a page with an endless amount of “life is…” quotes by both famous and anonymous people (cliché #2). After reading about 6 (they are all very short, thank you!) my favorite one was not hard to choose:

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like. Lao Tzu

Replace the word changes with the ones I’ve listed above: cycles, circles, mountains… the following advice still works: don’t resist. Continue reading

When I don’t meditate

Lately I have been thinking a lot about my meditation practice and its effect on my well-being. I have achieved a level of meditation which, at this point in my life, I feel good about: every morning I get up at 5:45am, take my shower, prepare breakfast and then sit on my cushion for 20, sometimes 30 minutes. This routine has been pretty consistent for about a year now. Before that it has been on and off for about 6 years. Even though this may seem to some like a long time, it is not, and those who are seasoned meditators know this. Perhaps I am not a complete beginner, but the more I meditate, the more I am amazed at how much I still have to and want to learn and how long the road is.

The other day I read a post by David Cain from Raptitude entitled “could I convince you to meditate in a single sentence”? In it he talks about the benefits of meditation and attempts to explain to his readers why he highly recommends meditation. The manner in which he explains it spoke to me and gave me relief as I have so often found myself trying to explain and share with others how meditation has allowed me to feel hopeful and encouraged to dredge on in my self-reflective quest. I don’t always succeed, and even if I do see a spark that says “oh yes, I know what you mean!”, it doesn’t mean they will try it, let alone become a regular cushion-sitter. Continue reading

Understanding Shenpa

Working with Shenpa

I have read and listened to a few of Pema Chödrön’s audio books, some are “When things fall apart” or “the places that scare you”. There are many more and as with many of the Buddhist / meditation teachers I like to listen to or read, I regularly return to Pema Chödron when the moment is ripe.

Pema Chödron is an American Buddhist nun, teacher, writer who has, for many years, been the director of Gampo Abbey in Nova Scotia, Canada. When I first heard about her, I was immediately drawn to her style of writing, talking and bringing Buddhist ideas to a western audience with clarity, kindness and humor. Her storytelling encouraged me to consider her as one of my favorite teachers.

About two weeks ago I came across a youtube video of a retreat talk by Pema which I listened to in its entirety (see below). In this talk, Pema talks about Shenpa (go to minute 6 if you want to skip to that part), a word I had never heard of before. It is a Tibetan word that is usually translated as attachment. Pema, however, uses different words to describe it: “being hooked”, “getting stuck”. Here are a few things I jotted down while listening to her audiobook called “getting unstuck” as well as some of my thoughts: Continue reading

As one gets older…

It’s really a strange thing. I have never been the kind that freaks out about getting older. And I am still not that kind of person. BUT… When I turned 50 i did my simple calculations in order to figure out how much time I still had to get it right. Assuming i don’t get sick or hit by a bus or have to say bye bye early of one of 8 million ways to die, I theoretically could have 30 to 40 more years to go. That’s generous, of course. Of those 40 years, 10 to 15 could be quieter and more challenging (you get the picture, I don’t need to describe any of them, just look around you for plenty of examples). So let’s say 20 to 25 really “good” years? Wow, that sounds like a lot!

Right. We are already at the end March of 2017! January 01st feels like 3 days ago.

The more I think about it, the more confused I am. What exactly do I even mean when I say I want to “get it right”? Continue reading

Back from silence…

Of course I wish I didn’t always let months or even years pass before I write something again. It comes across as less believable or caring. Or at least it looks like I do / think / accomplish nothing during those silent times.

What is really happening is that I have mixed feelings about blogging. Lately I have become more  tired of observing all the narcissism on twitter, facebook, instagram. I know it just is that way, it is nothing new to me, but it gets worse with time and generations growing. Generations that don’t know what it was like without selfie-ness. Continue reading